


let me love you when your heart is tired

by peppermintpatties



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Couch Cuddles, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:42:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21817582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peppermintpatties/pseuds/peppermintpatties
Summary: There is a sadness and a hurt in him that is tremendous, and you may very well never truly understand it, but you need to love it as much as you love the rest of him, because that’s him.Bea once said that to Alex, when she was wielding her power as an older sibling who’s looking out for her baby brother. Since then, Alex vowed to himself to be there for Henry—on good days and bad days.And today seems like one of those bad days, Alex thought, as he watches Henry stare out the window and out onto the wintry scene outside of their brownstone. He’s only a few feet away from Alex, but the latter knows his mind is a thousand miles farther.
Relationships: Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor
Comments: 20
Kudos: 280





	let me love you when your heart is tired

Alex Claremont-Diaz likes to think he knows his boyfriend inside out. How he immediately changes to sweats after coming home. How he prefers his tea in the morning. How he likes to be fucked on a good day. Normal things to know when you’re dating someone.

Only his special someone happened to be the Prince of England.

And Alex knew that dating Henry comes with a lot of risks and complications, which they were both willing to take on together. It wasn’t really a problem for either of them, so as long as they get through them side by side.

Considering all those things, Alex would say that they were doing great. Perfectly in love—sometimes a bit too much for their circle of friends to handle—but nevertheless, both of them are genuinely happy for the first time in a long while.

Until one day, when Alex woke to a bed sans a certain blonde British boy that he knew something was off. December six. Today was a Saturday. Normally, he would’ve been woken up by Henry pulling him closer to his chest, hogging the blanket, or peppering him with kisses down there, with his head in between Alex’s legs. He has no shame in admitting the last one is his favorite. Or just any, really, because waking up to Henry is already a fucking blessing to Alex.

And so, he decided to get out of bed to go find his idiot and kiss him himself.

After putting on some pants and throwing Henry’s Oxford hoodie over his head, Alex padded towards their kitchen. He was just about to brew some coffee when he noticed his favorite mug set beside the coffee machine—coffee, one sugar, cinnamon.

Alex’s heart did the thing again, where it squeezes and hurts in the best possible way when you’re filled with so much love for someone, making him all the more determined to find Henry and thank him with the best snog of his entire bloody life.

What Alex found though, was quite a sorry sight.

There was Henry in his pajamas, sitting on the sofa of their movie room, with his head bent down and his hands covering his face. Slowly, he looked towards the window, where fresh white snow was falling heavily onto the pavement of Brooklyn, New York.

Henry had the look in his eyes that says he’s lost in his thoughts for quite some time now.

Back when their sex scandal had just been leaked and Alex and Henry’s relationship were out for the whole world to see, when Alex flew to England as soon as he was able, he had a few moments of conversation with Bea when Henry fell asleep on Alex’s lap due to sheer exhaustion.

_There is a sadness and a hurt in him that is tremendous, and you may very well never truly understand it, but you need to love it as much as you love the rest of him, because that’s him._

Bea once said that to Alex, when she was wielding her power as an older sibling who’s looking out for her baby brother. Since then, Alex vowed to himself to be there for Henry—on good days and bad days.

_And today seems like one of those bad days_ , Alex thought, as he watches Henry stare out the window and out onto the wintry scene outside of their brownstone. He’s only a few feet away from Alex, but the latter knows his mind is a thousand miles farther.

He walked towards him slowly, so as to not startle him, and Alex gently wrapped his arms around Henry’s waist from behind, both of them now tangled together in the soft leather couch.

“Hey, baby,” Alex said softly.

Henry visibly relaxes against Alex’s chest. “Hey, yourself,” he said, craning his head to give Alex a soft peck on the lips.

It wasn’t enough for Alex, so he kisses his boyfriend a few more times. Henry hummed appreciatively at the gesture, and Alex thinks, _God, I love this boy so fucking much._ “I woke up and you weren’t there,” he frowned. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine, love. David woke me up at six in the morning, and I just couldn’t go back to sleep. Thought I’d move on the couch so I don’t wake you with my tossing and turning,” Henry replied, clearly trying to clear the other boy’s worried looks.

Alex was having none of it, but he knows better than to pry. “Did you eat already?”

“Not hungry,” Henry mumbled. “I actually have to do something at the hospital today. I’ll see you later, love.” He kisses Alex on the cheek, rubs David’s belly on the way out, and heads for the shower.

Alex told himself not to worry, that if something was horribly wrong, Henry would tell him. _He just needs his space right now_ , Alex thinks, _to sort out whatever’s been going on that put his boyfriend in such a distant state on a Saturday morning._

While Henry was out, Alex decided to spend the time catching up on his readings for school and work on the presentation due for next week. And when he was done with that, it was already four in the afternoon.

Still no Henry.

He pulled out his phone and sent a text to his boyfriend. _David tried to eat my hair when I tried to cuddle him. Worse than the turkeys. Pls come home :(_

Henry replied about five minutes later. _Told you he’s a Slytherin. I’ll be home soon, sweetheart._

Alex sighed. He wished they spent the day together. Both of them were always so busy on weekdays that they only get to see each other for dinner and sex before going to bed. Not that he’s complaining.

But still.

Henry’s more than that to him now. He’s the fucking love of his life, not anymore a casual hookup. He misses having a movie marathon with Henry, where both of them makes fun of the hero and root for the villain. He misses their midnight trips to the supermarket to hoard some Cornettos because Henry’s insomnia is being a bitch again. He misses cuddling Henry on their favorite sofa, the one which witnessed the two doing filthy things to each other that most of the time leads to their bedroom.

_I’m being overdramatic,_ Alex thought. But it’s been such a long time since they both had a proper day off and Henry goes to spend it doing work. Again.

Hours have passed that Alex spent cleaning their place, feeding David, and catching up with June and Nora through FaceTime. He ends his agenda for the day with a nice, warm shower. Just as he was done putting a shirt on, his phone beeped. A new text message. He hoped it was from Henry, but it was actually from Bea.

_How’s he holding up today?_

Now Alex was confused. December six. As far as he could remember, it was no one’s birthday today. _What’s today?_ he replied.

_Dad’s death anniversary._

Oh.

Alex mentally cursed himself for missing it. Henry’s mood. His visit to the hospital—the cancer ward. The freaking James Bond marathon he saw on the television earlier. Fucking hell. He needed to find Henry.

Turns out, he didn’t need to search far and wide, as Henry was already home, laying down on the sofa with his eyes closed. Though his breathing was still too shallow to pass off as sleeping, so Alex knew he was still awake and gently came up to him and cupped his cheek with his hand. Henry opened his eyes and gave him a sad smile. Alex felt his heart break into a thousand pieces.

Henry scooted over, so they were now sitting side by side, hands clasped together. “I’m sorry I was gone for so long today.”

“You don’t have to apologize, love. But seriously, Henry, how are you really doing?” Alex turned to look at him, meeting Henry’s big blue eyes. At this point, Henry seemed to catch up with his boyfriend’s underlying meaning for that question. Instead of having to answer Alex, he looked down and fumbled with the sleeves of his sweater instead.

Alex didn’t force him to reply, he simply waited for Henry to compose his thoughts enough to give him an answer he was comfortable sharing with him. Just as he was about to get up to get some water, Henry grabbed hold of his shirt and buried himself in Alex’s chest.

He immediately wrapped his arms around Henry, tightly and protectively, as if to shield him from all the hurt and pain of the world. “Shh, I’ve got you.” Alex rubbed comforting circles on his back.

And there, in the confine of Alex’s warm embrace, with him at the receiving end of Alex’s soothing gestures and calming voice, did Henry finally allow himself to break.

On the outside, a pair of prying eyes might describe the scene to be bizarre: the First Son of the United States holding the Prince of Wales who was currently soaking the former’s shirt with hot tears.

But here, in their home, with only the two of them, they could be just Alex and Henry. Not the son of the current president of the United States, nor the face of the British monarchy.

Alex and Henry, who fell in love with each other through a magazine and a sports event when they didn’t even know what that word meant. Alex and Henry, who passed emails back and forth, refusing to declare their feelings to each other, but thought to always, always include an excerpt from the most romantic pieces of literature in history before hitting send. Alex and Henry, whose relationship shouldn’t be possible, yet they managed to defy all odds and rewrite history.

“I… m-miss him,” Henry sniffed.

“I know, love.” Alex hugged him even tighter. “I also know that he’s so proud of you.”

“Because his son is sobbing his eyes out on his fourth death anniversary?”

Alex rolled his eyes. “No, you smartass. It’s because his son grew up to be so brave,” Alex placed a kiss on Henry’s forehead.

“And strong.” On his nose.

“And kind.” On both cheeks.

“And loving.” On his jaw.

“And so fucking good.” He captures Henry’s lips.

Henry smiled a little through their kiss and Alex felt like doing a victory dance right then and there. Instead, he cupped both of Henry’s cheeks, tilts his head up to meet his favorite pair of blue eyes in the world, and kissed the remaining tears away.

Henry nuzzled into Alex’s neck, whispering, “You’re too good for me.”

Alex suddenly said loudly, “ _Riiiing, riiing_.” He reached for his phone from his pocket and held it up to his ear, pretending to have a phone call with someone. “Yes, hello… God? It’s me, Alex. Yes, your second favorite creation. Uh, I was just wondering if you could pass the phone to a Mr. Arthur Fox, please? The father of your favorite creation, you got that right. I just need to ask him something.” Alex winked at his boyfriend, who looks so confused at what he was doing that Alex wanted to laugh despite their situation.

“Good evening, Mr. Fox. It’s Alexander Claremont-Diaz. How are you holding up, up there? Everything’s heavenly? Sorry. We never had the chance to meet when you were still here on earth, but I found out this is your fourth death anniversary, and Henry has been feeling heavy because he misses you a little extra today. We’re quite acquainted with each other, you see. Actually no, scratch that—your son is the love of my life, and I want him to believe me when I say that you’re proud of the man he has become…. You are, right? Okay, great. Do you want me to pass along a message?... What’s that, sir? You love him very much?... And that you miss him every day?... And you couldn’t be happier that he found me? I’m flattered, sir, truly… Oh, you also think that I belong with your son? Well, that does it. I have no choice but to admit it, have I? Well, sir, in the spirit—sorry—of exchanging compliments, can I just say that you were a total babe in your James Bond movies? Really huge fan… Hello?”

Alex fake gasped and clutched his chest, “He hung up on _me_?”

For a while, the entire room was dead silent. Until Henry was suddenly laughing so hard tears welled up in his eyes once again, for an entirely different reason. “God, you’re such an idiot.”

Alex grinned at him. “I’m _your_ idiot.”

“You got that right, love. Though I really doubt you _are_ the second favorite. I was thinking about third, or maybe even fourth, you know? Considering all your sins and whatnot.”

He narrowed his eyes playfully at Henry. “ _You_ take pleasure in those _sins_ , Your Highness.”

Henry laughed. “I do, don’t I?”

They were silent for a moment, before Alex said to Henry in a more earnest tone, “Seriously, though. I meant everything I said.”

Henry sighed. “I just wish we could’ve spent more time together, you know? I wish—”

“You and I both know there’s no point in regretting and wishing for those things. What matters is how you live your life now. That’s what your dad would want you to do, baby. He would’ve wanted you to get out of the palace and see the world—”

“Did you just quote _Aladdin_?”

“Yes, and shut up. You’re ruining my moment here… Where was I?”

“You were telling me to see the world?”

“Oh, right. To get out of that damned homophobic palace walls and see the world. To fight for what you believe in and screw those who told you otherwise. To take up space in the universe and let yourself take the things you want and let yourself be heard and be seen—because you matter.”

“You know, First Son of the United States, when your mouth is not wrapped around my dick, it could spew out some really wise words.”

Alex laughed and punched Henry gently. “Fuck you.”

“Maybe later, sweetheart.”

“Alright. We could watch a movie instead?” Henry nods.

Alex grabbed the remote and turned the TV on, which they found out was still running the James Bond marathon. “We don’t have to—”

Henry smiled. “Actually, I want to watch them.”

And so that’s how they ended up cuddling on the couch with the fluffiest blanket they own on a Saturday night, Henry’s head placed safely on Alex’s chest with Alex’s arms wrapped around him, and their legs tangled up in a mess of long limbs. Occasionally during the movie, Alex would point out to Henry the scenes where he really looks like his dad, earning him a small slap and a very posh eye roll.

Hours later, when the credits started rolling in, Alex looked to his boyfriend and found him asleep, looking the most peaceful he has ever seen him tonight. Henry’s position shifted earlier, so that’s why he was now curled up against Alex’s side, both of his arms secured around Alex’s waist like a koala or some shit that made Alex’s heart hurt, and his face nuzzled against Alex’s neck.

He slowly reached for his phone on the table and snapped a quick selfie of him kissing Henry’s temple and sent it to Bea since he never got to reply to her message earlier.

_was pretty bad earlier today, but nothing like a fake phone call with God couldn’t fix. also why I got him to agree to watch the Bond marathon they’re running on tv,_ Alex typed.

_I don’t even want to know_ , Bea replies to him instantly, along with a girl facepalming emoji at the end. Another one followed, _Thanks for taking care of him. Love you both so much. See you soon._

Alex sent her about a dozen heart and weeping emojis.

And just because he can, he snapped another picture of him and a sleeping Henry and posted it on Instagram, along with the caption, _This one really fell asleep while watching his dad’s badass action movies, but stays up to sob over Notting Hill? Why am I not surprised._

Thousands of likes and comments instantly flooded his phone. Alex locked it and put it away, having decided to just read them tomorrow.

“I saw that,” Henry grumbled with his eyes closed.

Alex laughed softly. “You’re dreaming. Go back to sleep, baby. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is actually my first time writing a fanfic and I'm not really good at this, but there are just so few works for Red White & Royal Blue that I couldn't help but write something for these two. Anyway, please leave some comments and kudos. They are greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for reading. ♡ If you have any prompts, kindly send them and I'll try to work on some more.


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